Updates from the Author

Today, I watched the new SpongeBob movie. It taught me something really important. That I should be myself no matter what others say because If I am true to myself, I can find my own happiness in my own terms.

I just feel like I don't want to exist anymore. I just want to sleep. Maybe forever. I could not sleep last night. I was trying my best to sleep, but it was tough. I keep thinking to myself about how unfair it is for me to be in such a position, and I just want to break down violently, smashing everything around me so that I can vent out that anger. I don't care if the police came or what. I don't care if the world comes to hate me for that because the world has no right to hate me for what they have done to me. It is not fair that I have to live with such stupid experiences... traumatic experiences that are often pushed aside, and people keep saying that what I face is just small, but they don't understand. They are ignorant. They only know about themselves, and they don't wish to learn about others, or those that they do learn are those that can benefit them. But I don't want to be a benefit to them because I want to be myself. I don't understand why I mus...

It always feels like that in the morning... The feeling of anguish and sadness, knowing that yesterday you didn't do much. You wake up and you just allow yourself to feel that way because those feelings come immediately as you wake up and that ruins the day for you. On top of remembering what happened yesterday, you feel that you don't belong in this world. You feel sick and you just want to disappear. You feel that nobody respects your time, your efforts, and you will to exist which means your existence becomes meaningless. I am seated in this room now. The air con blowing on full blast but the room is big, filled with people I don't know, filled with people that are strangers to me and their different faces on what they are working on suggests to me that they have something to work on and I am just sitting here because I don't know what to write and I just tell myself that I want to talk about something important but I don't know what I should write while I look a...

I want to say fuck it all for all I care right now. Fuck it. I am angry, and I am sad. I bring you out to form a connection, to bond with you, to have fun with you, and you treat me like a piece of shit. You treat me like a bastard, and you mock me in front of the world. What's the point of going out if we don't do a bit of exploring? A bit of sightseeing at the shopping mall, like others? What? Are those places that are illegal or fucked up for your stupid fucking ego? I just want to form a connection with you. Is that so fucking wrong? Others would want that because their children have abandoned them. I am not like that. I want to spend time with you. Is that wrong? You really are fuck up in the mind? You and your stupid ego. It doesn't mean that I want to go to these places to buy something. It doesn't have to mean that I need to buy something. I just want to look around with you.  Don't you understand? And you have to mock me in front of the world? Telling them ...

Feeling emotional today...

There are too many people who are full of bullshit online because they think that, being behind the computer, they can write whatever they want and even lie about others, which is a huge slander. Well, they are cowards to begin with because they want to believe what they want to believe rather than the truth based on actual facts. I guess I should remind people that speaking or writing based on emotions can sometimes be based on your lies and whatnot.  I am not going to entertain such people. I told myself that, and I told others around me as well, because it's not worth hurting my mental health and whatnot. People will hate others because they are either jealous or just have too much free time. I keep seeing such stupidity all over the internet. Accusations that are baseless to begin with, and even after being reported by the police for what they did and stalking as well, they still continue to hurt the reputation of others. I can sue them. I really can, but what's the point o...

 At the end of the year now, I feel that I did not accomplish much, and even for the last two years of my life, because I've tried to do a lot like finding a job or promoting my art but it all seems to not have materialised well for me since the progress led to nothing and the achievement that I wish for has not been gained. I have tried a lot of things. I have tried. I feel tired, and right now, at the end of the year, I'm feeling sick as well because I have this infection and flu that occurred throughout the week. Maybe I am just unlucky, and maybe I am not doing it the right way, although the ways that I have chosen are the tried and tested ways of doing things. Ultimately, I feel like a loser. I feel like someone who has not been successful, and I guess I should look forward to next year with the same outcome, because if I do try to push myself up into progress, there will either be someone or some external circumstances that will prevent me from achieving what I want to ac...