Updates from the Author

 

Bossa nova in the background, playing softly but it was playing loudly earlier. I sat down here once again like I did last month and I am looking at the cup of coffee that is not mine. I don't care. I don't want a cup of coffee and I, in fact, skipped breakfast this morning just like yesterday because I am not hungry for some reason. I don't know why I come to this writing space that's provided by the library because I feel that I am not actually writing at all but rather just writing down on my blog because I am not in any mood to write to begin with. I just attended today to see how I can proceed with the facilitation of the event because I signed up to be part of this event. Well, that was last year but I will not be surprised that last year will be repeated again this year. I won't be surprised at all. I have a book with me and I am going to read it soon because I am very bored. I guess I am bored with this concept. I just agreed to help but maybe it can help ca...

Home of Art By M.A. Amru Here, often, A picturesque ancient, With rustic cuboids, Casting doubtful shadows, And a yellow adjacent, Wonders of youth, filled By an eternal will. There, I sit, Like a restful patient, I see the towers, not vacant, Where the concrete narrows, An opening for tomorrows, Wondering of our past, killed Brick by brick, sealed.

  Well, what are you waiting for? Go and play it !

Today, I watched the new SpongeBob movie. It taught me something really important. That I should be myself no matter what others say because If I am true to myself, I can find my own happiness in my own terms.

I just feel like I don't want to exist anymore. I just want to sleep. Maybe forever. I could not sleep last night. I was trying my best to sleep, but it was tough. I keep thinking to myself about how unfair it is for me to be in such a position, and I just want to break down violently, smashing everything around me so that I can vent out that anger. I don't care if the police came or what. I don't care if the world comes to hate me for that because the world has no right to hate me for what they have done to me. It is not fair that I have to live with such stupid experiences... traumatic experiences that are often pushed aside, and people keep saying that what I face is just small, but they don't understand. They are ignorant. They only know about themselves, and they don't wish to learn about others, or those that they do learn are those that can benefit them. But I don't want to be a benefit to them because I want to be myself. I don't understand why I mus...

It always feels like that in the morning... The feeling of anguish and sadness, knowing that yesterday you didn't do much. You wake up and you just allow yourself to feel that way because those feelings come immediately as you wake up and that ruins the day for you. On top of remembering what happened yesterday, you feel that you don't belong in this world. You feel sick and you just want to disappear. You feel that nobody respects your time, your efforts, and you will to exist which means your existence becomes meaningless. I am seated in this room now. The air con blowing on full blast but the room is big, filled with people I don't know, filled with people that are strangers to me and their different faces on what they are working on suggests to me that they have something to work on and I am just sitting here because I don't know what to write and I just tell myself that I want to talk about something important but I don't know what I should write while I look a...