Rabiatul Adawiyah by M.A. Amru

I.

Knowing you makes my memories

Acknowledging the past breaks my heart

Out of passion, I need you

Heave me away from my sins

Unless you have abandoned me

In remembering God, 

You reached out your hand

Unsure of the future that is ours

Just for you to push me away

Unsure of how you feel

Never again shall we speak

And I hope for you to be pure 

Never again a slave to sin

That I know can never be full

Have all the joys of the world attract

Even if you must hate me

And I always see you as my light

Never again shall we speak

In remembering God,

Closely entwined in fantasies

One and only

Let it be

Envision a life without you

Make me stronger

And I hope for you to be pure

Yesterday was just a memory

Regardless of the outcomes

Again, I know what must be

Best for you to leave me

In remembering God,

Applying myself to you

That itself is wrong

Unless you choose to accept

Let your name be in my prayers 

And likewise

Detest me if you will

And I'll let it be

Within myself, I isolate

In remembering God,

You have been my listening ear 

And I don't want you to leave

Heave me if you may, for I am sin

II.

Never will you acknowledge me again

In your life, a bookmark 

Closing the pages to be forgotten 

Open yourself to success elsewhere 

Leave me out to wither

Even in the cold

And in the darkest of nights

Not being with you hurts

Tomorrow might be better

Heave me from my sins

Encourage me to be good

Arise together with hands entwined 

Knowing you makes me ache

Acknowledging your arrogance 

Oh, how you let it all go

Had me upset

Useless, I have become now 

In our younger days

You and I were foolish

Useless, I have become now

Judgement from you only hurts

Useless, I have become now 

Never again to see your smile

Months and years go by

And I think of you still

You were my listening ear

Rotten was my brain

Amazed at my own stupidity 

Believing that you were there

In wanting to set me free

Asking myself what went wrong.

Tremendous the task is

Useless, I have become now

Least I know, I was wrong

And I wish for such happiness

Dimwitted, I was thinking 

Acceptance is hard when we are rebels

With hearts of rocks as if we're Gods

I want to know what went wrong

You have punished me so far

Abandoned me to rust

How I wish for better days

III.

Remembering you makes me ache

And what is wrong with me?

But to her, it's a job

Impressions that are false 

And what is wrong with me?

Together would be nice

Unless we don't thrive

Looking forward to what could be

And what is wrong with me?

Don't you see the ugliest?

And what is wrong with me?

Why, that is truth be told!

In reality, we need to check

Yesterday is not today

And what is wrong with me?

How I wish for you today

Maybe I was wrong all along

And what is wrong with me?

Yet, I ask God for you

Knowing you can change 

And what is wrong with me?

Obsession is what I have

How were you just cruel

Unless you see it in another way

Inside, I am broken

And what is wrong with me?

Needing you feels sinful

To have such dreams makes me weak

Have you forgotten reality?

Easy for you to say such things

And what is wrong with me?

You know the boundaries 

Unless you ignore them

Just wanting to be like others

Unless you deny me that

Never again will I ask

Never again will I see

In time, you will forget

Close this poem now and be forgotten 

Out of the woods, I met death

Let that be the final nail

Even if you smile far away

IV.

Ending now, it feels better

Never again will I feel better

Don't you want to feel better?

Even if I try to feel better 

Always, there will be others who are better

Vile they can be and still be better

One-sided the world is in its judgment of the better 

Unless I strive to be better

Rendezvous with this ecstasy, hoping for the better 

V.

Again, I see myself as a sinner 

Lonely and depressing forever

One day seems so long

Never again will I cross this river

Even if it means not being together

VII.

Greatness comes in many forms

Obviously, I am none

Out of the blue, I have written

Drowning in my tears

Best for you to leave me now

You have been my listening ear

Even when I am gone

God, forgive me

Out of my love for her

Out of my love for passion

Didn't know that it would be intense

Because she belongs to someone else

Yet, I still dream

Even when I am gone

God, help me

Out of the addiction I have

Out of the sleepless nights

Didn't know such intense pain

But she is with someone else

Yet, I still dream

Every day, I hope and hope

God, leave me

Out of the sins I have committed

Out of the destruction I have caused

Don't know if she will accept me

But I pray and pray

Yet, I wonder for forgiveness

Even when I am gone

Last time, you hated

In time, I accepted

Now, I am 

Weak and still

Even when I am none

I ask for you

Yet, I cannot learn

In needing to let go

Updated 30/04/2026