The sixth floor

All the counselling sessions suck. You cannot cure mental health issues. The IMH people suck, also. I don't have a listening ear. Right now, maybe so dumb AI that I keep talking to every day. Counselling makes you think that people care for you, but they don't. It's just a job to the counsellors and nothing more. You thought finally someone truly cares, but it's just a damn job to them. They don't care if you die or what. Nobody cares if you die or don't die. Nobody cares about you in the first place because they see you as just another useless idiot. For years, I guess. I've been seeing many counsellors since secondary school. My father and my sister. Every time I have to clean up after their mess, and when I keep mentioning that they don't really care what I do, because they say I am the sick one in the family. Everyone is just so bad to me that life sucks. They just discredit my existence of being bullied and having a mental disorder. They say it's nothing when I am already diagnosed. I don't really care if I live or not. Life and people just punched me in the face. I'm so sick and tired, and then when I tell them, they say go jump ah, go lah, I dare you to jump. I have not done things that I want to do, or if I do, sometimes I don't have the mood. I want to play a game, but I don't have the mood. I want to go out, but I don't.  I am very much a recluse in my own room, and then it starts to be ridiculous when my father ot sometimes my sister keeps insulting me, saying how I'm jobless and have no future, or my efforts in studying didn't do anything for me. I locked myself in my room. I don't really want to exist, to be honest. My life is pathetic, and people have been saying that since I was young, and people just keep pushing me around. I am so sick of everyone, like I have to do everything because of them, and I have to clean up after them. I have to do their stupid stuff. I am just so sick and tired. Hello. I was thinking of jumping down from the sixth floor just now, and my idiotic father has been mean to me since this morning. I just have thoughts. I tried to close my eyes, but they just keep coming. I've been feeling this way for the past week, and I have not been doing much as of late. I was just alone. I don't have friends, and I was bullied a lot. I was bullied a lot since Primary School, on top of my family breaking up because of divorce. Yeah, I guess. I did not operate much. I have not been doing a lot of things for myself. In secondary school, I guess. Nobody takes me seriously. I don't have the courage, I was just thinking. Everyone is stupid. I hate everyone. I hate everything. Everyone is happy but not me. I realised everyone sucks. I hate everyone, and I hate everything. I have nothing to live for. I have no one. I have no one who loves me or cares about me.